ADHD shouldn’t be a taboo subject
When my kids first started school, I came
across parents of children who were describing other children that were
displaying negative behaviors and who were diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder - (ADD) as just naughty
children and that the parents were using ADHD as an excuse for their behavior.
I heard things like –
“Oh that kids on Ritalin, his mum makes out he has ADHD but he is just naughty”
Firstly – do you even understand how hard
it is to get professionals to listen to you about your child’s ‘behaviours’? And
secondly, do you have any idea how much time and effort parents like me, have
put into researching, or persuading GP’s to make these referrals - only to be told
to go on a parenting course - Most families get turned away at a first appointment
after not only spending just half an hour with a clinician to be told to go on
a parenting course but they most probably noticed symptoms at an early age, to
be told referrals could only be made when the child reached age 6 and then put
on a waiting list that was about 2 years long.
Do you really think we have the energy to
do all of that because we can’t be arsed to discipline our children correctly?
These appointments aren’t just being
offered to anyone and everyone that believes their child has ADHD because they
are uncontrollable and unruly. They are like gold dust. There needs to be a set
of evidence to even get through the door, and then most places have a triage
nurse that will call you and they decide on the urgency of need. Most of us fight tooth and nail for our
children and often the strength needed to fight these systems leaves us exhausted
and diagnosed with conditions of our own that are caused by severe stress.
Trust me we aren’t going to put our families through that just because are
children are naughty.
The child’s school gets sent a
questionnaire directly, which they do not have to share with you so you have to
wait about 6 months to find out if they have put contradicting evidence down
resulting in a refusal to assess. This can be severely detrimental to the
mental health of these children and their families.
I was lucky to have gotten such a good
clinician that she saw through the schools report and sent a psychiatrist in to
his school to do an assessment there. Luckily she had because he could have
ended up miss-diagnosed based on one schools uneducated and simply ignorant
form filling.
ADHD isn’t a behavioral problem.
Yes it is
associated with bad behavior but this condition is proven to be neurological.
Children aren’t behaving this way on purpose, because they are parented badly
or because they lack respect. They simply cannot help it.
And trust me I wish my child didn’t suffer
with ADHD. I wish I didn’t need to worry about her and her siblings safety at
every single minute of every single day. I wish I could leave the house with
all three of my children and enjoy long summer walks, or be able to go and do a
food or clothes shop with them in tow. Do you know what else, I would also love
to do? be able to take my child into the school playground to pick my other
children up, without people judging or sneering at my hyper – active, child who
doesn’t listen to a word that I say, instead of sitting in a designated
disabled car parking space, waiting for my 9 year old to finish school and walk
to the car so that we are all safe.
I wish that it was my parenting that causes my
child to behave in this way.
Because then at least I could change my parenting, but
I simply cannot change my child’s brain.
People need to stop turning their noses up
at ADHD and start educating themselves on the real facts. They need to start
respecting these children for who they are. Respecting their parents for the
fight they fought for their children and the way they navigated a system that
is like driving whilst blindfolded and handcuffed, because that’s how it feels
when you first approach anyone with suspicions of ADHD.
I can almost guarantee that I am not the
only one who often doesn’t offer the information that my child is diagnosed
with ADHD. I bet I’m not the only one who doesn’t offer the information because
it is such a taboo subject. People simply need to understand, so that more
families like mine aren’t thought of as a bad egg, a family that doesn’t parent
appropriately and has children who are naughty.
My child doesn’t run away from me into
roads on busy car parks because she’s ignorant and disrespectful, she has
impulses that she cannot control, not that she wont control. That coupled with
the added inability to understand consequences to her life mean that the risk
is even more dangerous.
Please be ADHD aware.
Please respect these
children.
Please respect their parents.
I work my butt off trying to teach my
daughter about how dangerous certain situations are, please help me and
families like mine to teach our children instead of being judgmental and
chastising, gossiping in the playground and Chinese whispers about other
children. It isn’t fair. If you have questions about our children we would be
more than happy to answer than. At least give a chance to defend our selves
instead of giving others the idea that is simply wrong and misleading. Lets all
be there for each other instead of alienating people because you don’t
understand.
What is the best source to educate myself on ADHD in your opinion? Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and commenting, In my experience at the moment my children are my best resource. I have two children diagnosed with ADHD and they are like chalk and cheese. ADHD is at its worst very unpredictable so i guess its just knowing your children (Or yourself) inside out. Watching, being alert, being aware of dangers before anything can happen, risk assessing places before you go there. Avoiding things that you know is going to be inappropriate and in turn setting the child up to fail. Obviously i do my best and I'm in no way perfect, we get it wrong regularly but we learn from those mistakes. i hope that helps. But if i find any resources in future ill be sure to let you know. Thank you
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