Telling the difference between a meltdown, sensory overload, or tantrum can be quite tricky for people who don't understand your child's' needs fully.
Do those working with your child understand their needs fully to know when a reaction is imminent?
I say reaction and not action
because it occurs when something has happened that triggers a response that he
or she has no choice over, making it an unconscious reaction as opposed to
a meaningful action.
An action is something that
is a choice.
My daughter doesn't
choose to behave this way., and Sometimes it's impossible to tell the difference, whereas other times I can see it from a mile off, just from little behaviours,
the way she acts, or the way she talks. Sometimes with just a glimmer in her
eyes.
There are lots and lots
of things that trigger these reactions from Lola. And sometimes it can be over
the smallest of things, like the straw that broke the camels back for example.
I don't know whether you've
heard of the coke bottle analogy but here goes.
(I once described this
analogy to a teacher to help them understand why Lola behaved like she did at
pick up time when I got there.)
Coke Bottle Analogy
Imagine I have a bottle of coke.
your child wakes up in the morning
and instantly there are demands placed on them to get ready for school
- getting dressed and washed and going downstairs.
The clothes they're wearing feel uncomfortable.
Tags and seams are
either too long or too short (my daughters are neither in my opinion but
to her they have to be just right!)
Remember that Coke bottle you're holding?
Shake it a little bit.
Breakfast time, and there are too many choices, the TV that little one is watching is too loud making it impossible for the child to concentrate. They end up choosing the wrong thing and getting distressed because they're hungry
It's time for shoes and coats
on now, where did they leave them yesterday?
You have to find
them or you're going to be late otherwise.
Getting into the car now and
putting the seat belt on, they're being restricted and the seat belt hurts.
Again shake the bottle a little bit.
You've arrived at the school now and getting out of the car,
gathering up all the belongings, you realise you've left the P.E kit at home, walking in to the school and there are people everywhere.
Where should she
look?
Who's talking to her?
Someone is calling her name?
Where's it coming from?
Oh mind that curb, don't
go into the road "Say hello darling"
Going in to a class now where there are thirty children running around excitedly, the teacher yelling, this way no that way,
coats up, sit on the carpet.
Chairs are scraping, lights
are whirring, lots of decorations everywhere.
Thirty bodies moving
simultaneously.
It hurts.
Shake. Shake. Shake.
They are starting work now and she doesn't understand, she
can't communicate this, so she does something else, gets told off for
disrupting, or wandering aimlessly.
Shake it some more.
Phew its break time, but she is she's thrown to
the wolves - again lots of sensory overload, lots of bodies moving
everywhere.
Go and play Lola!
Play
with what? I have no imagination!
Play
with who? I have no friends! The smell in the dining room makes me feel
sick.
Shake. Shake. Shake.
"Do your work!"
"More
work time? I'm tired, I'm hot, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, it's too loud, it's too
bright, it's too busy"
I
DONT UNDERTSTAND,
I need to move, I need to fidget, I need something to
chew on... 'Oh
here I'll just unstick this page and eat the blu tac.'
Shake that bottle harder.
It's
assembly time now you're making me line up, walk carefully, and sit down. I can't sit still,
I can't be quiet for that length of time and it's all just too
much.
Fidget, fidget, grunt,
grunt, growl, growl
Kids
are whispering and the teachers are tutting.
I
copy them because it sounds good and I'm asked to leave. Why is everyone staring
at me?
Keep shaking that bottle
It's home time now we have to find our coats and bags, ans try and carry them all, clumsily tripping over the strings on the bags.
It's
crazy in the cloakroom.
Where's
my stuff I'm sure it was here...
Arghhhh!
Bump, trip, stumble,
bang
Shake. Shake. Shake.
DO YOU WANT TO OPEN THAT BOTTLE? Nope I didn't think so.
But I have to find a way
to open that bottle slowly to release the fizz because if I don't the
consquences are a nightmare.
Sometimes I'm not quick
enough and it just can't stay closed any more.
It just goes pop bang and
fizzes everywhere.
Sometimes it's when we get
home, other times it's in the car on the way home but sometimes it's as
soon as she comes out of the classroom.
It's like the straw that broke the camels back.
She has been holding it all
in all day and then I pick her up and ask her to put her belt on and all
hell breaks loose.
I have learnt to not talk to
her much at pick up time, even when she asks me questions I side step them
so as to avoid the inevitable confrontation.
It can be about anything.
Even something that wouldn't
normally bother her can trigger one of these reactions.
I have to be so careful when
I collect her from school and if she's is in a flighty mood I need to
make sure I move swiftly to the car, to avoid a meltdown. The last time it happened she was hysterical, on the floor, banging her head on the concrete screaming
her head off it was heartbreaking.
The bottle exploded!
I want to avoid that again at
all costs.
Previously written for and published by Firefly Community
Ive never heard this analogy before but its brilliant and makes complete sense!
ReplyDeleteThanks beaut -over a year ago since you commented on this but my google account wouldn't allow me to comment last year! thankfully its decided it no longer hates me x
DeleteGreat way to describe a meltdown build up x
ReplyDeleteThat is the most helpful analogy I've ever read/heard. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome Jenny,I do apologise for not replying sooner, however my account was messed up and now its all fixed yay!
DeleteThat's it exactly.
ReplyDeleteWell done! I get this totally!!
ReplyDeleteAs a father of 2 aspie children and husband to an aspie wife this is truly a wonderful way to explain it to others. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment Logan, I'm so pleased its helped people.
DeleteTotally get this. I might try not speaking to Joseph on the way home!
ReplyDeleteDid you give it a go? how did it work? xx
Delete