I have
taken a bit of a blogging break over the Christmas period. Spending time with
family and friends and the usual chaotic life of having children with
disabilities meant i had to put it on a bit of a back burner. On
Marvellous Monday's today i am starting the new year with a massive
celebration, of fantastic achievements that our children with disabilities have
accomplished this year with contributions from my fellow SEND Bloggers.
Firstly i want to wish you a belated Merry Christmas and a massive Happy new year. I hope that all your dreams come true this year, I hope you have health, and happiness and hope by your side and I hope that you manage to achieve everything that you set your mind to.
Any
achievement, no matter how small it may seem to the "ordinary" family
is actually a massive celebration for families like mine and the other families
who are featured in this post. I want to celebrate those successes, because
sometimes those little ones can be easily forgotten or left behind when it all
becomes too much for our little ones and the hectic lifestyle of becoming
overwhelmed and enduring those cycles of meltdowns can easily overpower those
successes and celebrations into oblivion.
On
Christmas eve, I had to leave a note for Santa to explain to him that he needed
to leave my daughters stocking presents in the living room, because in her
words "I'm not used to Santa am I mummy" It reduces her anxiety every
year if we do this, as well as with the tooth fairy too. Having someone enter
her room at night is very scary for her.
I want to
tell you a little success story of my own which has got to be the most
endearing thing that has happened in my family and i am so proud of my daughter
for this. The kindness that my youngest daughter who is 4 years old (and on the
waiting list for an ASD assessment) showed to my 7 year old autistic daughter
is something that i am immensely proud of.
We
started off Christmas day very positively, and all of the children opened their
presents and were very happy indeed. Lola whom this blog is primarily about is
very predictable at Christmas and birthdays and loves opening the presents but
isn't always particularly excited about whats in them. She will eventually show
interest, sometimes after a day or two, sometimes it can take 6 months. Its
even been known for something to sit in her room or drawer for up to a year
before she wears it or plays with it. She has special interests, which we
indulge her in like, cards of any kind, Christmas cards, or match attack cards,
pairs cards, or phonics ones. Not particularly to play with them in a
conventional way, but because she likes to line them up, or count them
(Counting is another special interest of hers) It just depends on what takes
her fancy from one day, week or month to the next. Nothing is predictable. It
changes constantly and when we least expect it.
So when
my youngest daughter opened her Little Live Puppy dog, which was on her
Christmas list - and that she had been asking for for months - and Lolly showed
a very special interest in it, things became very tense indeed. She did not
leave her sister alone and it quickly evolved into an obsession to play with
this toy and not share it. My little one was getting a bit upset because she
wanted to play with this long awaited for toy and all she was getting was
hassle.
You see
when Lolly becomes obsessed with something there is really very little we can
do about it and doing what was right for all of them becomes a massive problem,
because in a situation like this its very difficult to keep everyone happy.
Lolly isn't very well adept at sharing, and doesn't quite know an
effective way to play together that will enable them to each take turns with
the dog.
As a parent of a child that needs to have complete control over
everything in her life it can be very difficult to make the right decision on
what would be the best outcome for everyone. My heart ruled in the beginning
and i was firm with her and told her
"I'm sorry, its your sisters and you cannot
take it away from her"
While trying to distract her with her brand new baby Annabel crib
and changing station just wasn't cutting it and the sensory construction
bubbles and bricks just wasn't going to distract her at all. So in the end
i listened to my head with a breaking heart and planted the seed in my youngest
daughters head that it would be nice if Lolly could have the toy puppy and that
i would take her shopping tomorrow for a brand new one that was exactly the
same. You can imagine my predicament here. My heart was breaking for both of my
children. I just couldn't risk putting my children through hours of violence
and screaming that not making this decision would have caused.
My darling daughter didn't even hesitate, she nodded her tiny little head and walked down the stairs and made the announcement that brought everyone to tears. She understood. She sacrificed her beloved puppy for the sake of her sisters breakdown. She loves her sister unconditionally. She is four years old. Three years younger and takes care of her like she is older. It literally takes my breath away.
So anyway, that was my Marvellous Christmas story and now i would like tell you of some other Special Christmas successes that these families will cherish the memory of forever.
Jo Cooksey from - First Time Valley Mum - Was ecstatic on Christmas day when her son
opened one gift all by himself, She said “he done it all on his own and he had
such a huge grin on his face whilst he was doing it!” This is a massive
achievement for Jo and her son whom she prepared for the Christmas present
opening by helping him open a present on Christmas eve and the day before to
help with his anxieties as the big day approached. Mentally he is just not
interested so to see him open a present on the day and show genuine enjoyment
in the occasion was very much a highlight of their year. I think it shows very
open and determined parenting to acknowledge this sort of difficulty in a child
and to address the situation by preparing him with opening presents before the
day really does make a special mum. Well done Jo, and son I hope that from now
on he can enjoy the opening of presents on other special occasions like
birthdays and hopefully by next Christmas he can manage two all by himself.
Becci Angell from To Aufinity and Beyond was very surprised and elated on Christmas day when her son was quite sociable with the family which never usually
happens. She said that “Various family members were chuffed with a cuddle and a
sentence or two on his terms” For those of you that have autistic children
yourselves you will understand how this feels when they are comfortable enough
in the presence of other people to participate in conversations. I know for me
that when Lola is engaged and finds something interesting she will have a very
amicable conversation and I absolutely love listening to her show enjoyment in
other people thoughts and opinions. So I’m right there with you Becci, A
massive well done to your Son, and congratulations to you and your family who
must have made him feel so much more comfortable to be able to show this level
of unusual sociability. What an awesome achievement.
Afra Willmore who blogs at Mad Mum Of 7 said that her special Christmas moment was when
her 17 year old pushed his 8 year old brother who is
diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder, round and round in an old buggy so
they could enjoy the crib service. Such thoughtful behavior, sacrificing his
enjoyment for his families and helping to keep a young child calm throughout a
service that was important to the whole family. Then on Christmas Day her
eldest son and his girlfriend made huge allowances for him, they were happy for
him to hide in a cushion fort and even cooked dough balls so that he could
enjoy his day too without the added pressure of being served something he
may not of been comfortable eating. The day after boxing day their very thoughtful
neighbour had invited him round to play so that Afra could take the other
children to cinema and lunch which he really didn't want to do. Its so
important to have that time spare for other siblings in the house when children
with Autistic spectrum disorder need so much extra care and attention others
are often pushed aside, through no fault of own and to be able to spend quality
time with them appreciating their needs to is invaluable, what a totally
awesome neighbor she has. Afra said, “This is our first Christmas with a
diagnosis and people have been amazing!!!” Merry Christmas Afra and family and
a very happy and healthy new year, here is to many more occasions of inclusion
and acceptance throughout the next.
Ann Hickman who you can find over at Rainbows are too beautiful had a very similar experience to ours as her
beautiful son allowed his brother to play with all of his new toys for a whole
hour before he got to play with them and proclaimed he didn’t mind and that he
understood, how absolutely sweet and selfless is that?
Whilst Laura Moore from Mum on a Mission was appreciating the very rare luxury of having a lay in until 8 AM. When you
are a parent of children with special needs it really is the tiniest thing that
can make us happy.
Even Mandi Morrison was appreciating the small things as
her usually naked 5yr old fell in love with his Christmas
eve fluffy Pajamas and wore them from Christmas eve all throughout Christmas
day, and whilst she doesn’t have any problems with her boy running around naked
she admits it made it slightly more comfortable when everyone else visited that
day.
Lauren
Square Peg Baker agrees with Mandi and had exactly the same experience with her
5 year old, and thinks that the fear of Santa Clause seeing him naked was the
reason he chose clothes this year. Its so endearing the way children’s minds
work. If only we could get a proper glimpse, Lauren was also just as happy to
see her children eating their own Christmas traditional dinner of Chicken
Nuggets and chips for Bella, and Quorn for Logan with no one else minding at
all that they were straying from the more traditional styles of a Christmas
dinner with turkey. It’s the little things hey. And look at how happy she
looks.
Just like Laura Rutherford from Brody, me and GDD states that doing things their own way as a family, "stuff tradition" she says, "Making it our own, meant no drama or unnecessary stress and it was lovely" Well Laura, i must say it sounds absolutely perfect!!
Merry Christmas & A massive Happy new year everyone, Thank you so much for taking part in my Marvellous Monday's series, it has been so nice reading all of this and putting it together really has made me realise how special those little things are and how just a support from others can go a VERY long way.
I Hope that 2017 brings you all the success and happiness needed for a stress free year.
Lots Of Love,
A lovely heart warming post which starts the year off in a wonderful positive way. Thanks x
ReplyDeleteLovely, very happy for you all! We had similar success with some fluffy MLP pyjamas 🙂
ReplyDelete