The month of April is best known for the explosion of Easter Bunnies, obscene amounts of chocolate as gifts for children and a magnificent feast to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. To many people April is Easter, They plan, they organise, many months in advance sometimes, Children have the time of their lives, gorging on chocolate, receiving gifts from extended family members, but to me, April is Autism Awareness month.

So to celebrate this, I am going to dedicate my blog for a whole month to families who wish to share their Autism Journey with you. Some of these people have autism themselves, some are autistic parents to autistic children. We have teachers with autistic students and even Bloggers who want share their journey with me, which I am very grateful for.

This heart felt account was written by an anonymous mum, struggling with her thoughts and feelings and battling the urge to want to join in and be normal whilst knowing that it will never work out the way she imagines in her head, wrote this heartfelt account. That all too familiar feeling of being ignored by professionals and the gap between her and her friends widening as her son struggles with social situations and becoming reliant on the safety of home.

Autism or just naughty?

I have gone through today with this massive headache and thinking am I just imagining all of this. Is my boy ‘normal’ or are there actual issues?

I read an email from a support worker who is obviously writing from a textbook.

I just think at the minute it’s me, my parenting, as all I seem to hear from people is to just allow natural consequences - but what they are not hearing is I’m not on about the - let him get his feet wet he will eventually learn - I’m on about the more serious stuff, like –“I want to run on the road’ - I can’t allow that and I can’t allow a natural consequence – ‘oh sorry you were hit by a car you must now learn not to run in the road’

I’m totally confused at how these support workers talk to you like hello I’m not totally stupid! But where do you draw a line and say

“Hang on my child is not text book.”

I’m reaching out here but none of them are listening. Its such a lonely world.

I let him run on the beaten track with his friends but then he starts playing in the water (wet feet I can accept) but then the water is deep and he can’t swim and he doesn’t realise.

'Oh you carry on its a natural consequence'

It all sounds a bit patronising to be honest, and I feel totally fed up with people thinking they know your child better than yourself.

Totally lost at the minute and so confused through all of this

That blindness to the extent of what he has been through, the pillar that has kept us together he is the strength, that willingness to accept how he is, grow into his own person, face demons I know nothing about, face obstacles we never thought existed, facing that judgemental opinionated person who has absolutely no idea of how hard it is just to get dressed or as simple as eating a meal.

Well done to all the amazing people out there that do have an understanding, you’re my friends and will always have a place in my heart as you make my days so much easier.

I’m starting to really let this affect my mind and how I see things.

Regular hospital visits, poorly child all taking its toll.

When your child doesn’t want to go out or do anything, half term and holidays can seem so drawn out and mentally hard.

I watch him interacting with his computer games and enjoying being in the safe surroundings of his home. While wondering lets get outside lets go to the park or the beach.

“NO that’s not what I want to do mummy I just want to stay here.”

REALLY!!

I cannot get around the fact he doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, my home has become a prison in itself. The days are long the nights even longer and they all merge into one.

“Lets go swimming” “no I hate that” “lets go watch a film” “NO”

The lists are endless.

So we stay in doors surrounded by these four walls which offer nothing more than yesterday. I watch and as my friends go to the woods and meet up with other mums to do fun things with their children and it breaks my heart, we become forgotten friends for a while, and the distance is getting bigger between us as they know not to even invite any more, and I wonder if only we could get out he would love it.

Giving him a choice is wrong, some people say “just take him out” but then I’m faced with heart wrenching battle where ever we go, he runs and fights and screams at me. Refuses to move or walk any where, So what’s the better option.

I would do anything to enjoy the simple things in life of going for a walk, going to the park but they seem like they will never come.

Thank you so much to this wonderful mum for sharing such an honest account of the thoughts and feelings that many parents of autistic children feel. I know that I once felt like this too, and i know that there are probably thousands of parents out there still feeling like this, but you're not alone, and you will gain strength and get stronger, and things will get easier. I hope this mum and her son are in a much better, calmer and organised place now.