19 November 2016

When parenting becomes a lonely event

When parenting becomes a lonely event.

This post was written anonymously by a fellow blogger who is experiencing that all too familiar feeling of being pushed aside when you're children are facing these severe difficulties in life. Just when you need them most! 

When you have a  baby you loose your friends but that's ok because you find new ones at play groups. You socialise with and without the babies, then they turn into toddlers and pre schoolers and it's when the fun starts. You can go to the park and the zoo, arrange trips out to the beach and everyone's having fun, until we put in a child with autism.
 It's fine at 18 months when the differences are not really noticeable, speaking starts differently for all children anyway. At two when the meltdowns kick in, it's ok, we all go through the tantrums, so meltdowns get taken for tantrums. Can't you not see my child is struggling? We hit two and a half and then there's toilet training, the child with autism is left behind. All the other children can use toilets places to go change. Don't really need that place with the nice clean baby changing any more. At three when the child with autism really struggles with new places but you expect him to go because don't forget all children have tantrums. The older the child gets the more noticeable the differences are.
We slowly get left behind, I'm not going to lie I didn't think it would be this early. I was preparing myself for another three years of being involved.

Get a babysitter let's go out. We have one person who will look after our child, we have to plan,  those spur of the moment times are long gone.
When you have children you don't think your life is going to be a lonely one. I love being a parent, parenting has taught me many things, autism has taught me love. Being a parent has also lost me all my friends, but you know what I wouldn't be without my child. I'm guessing it's gotten to the point that we're too far behind to come back.
Being a parent to a child with autism means working hours have been greatly reduced, I admire those of you who work after not getting any sleep during the night. I'm lucky I work 15 hours a week, most of this is spent working alone, so no one to chat too or ask out for a drink.

When your child goes to special school you don't even meet the parents as the child is on the school bus, so it's not even a new group of friends to be found. That's when reality is your online blogging friends are the most real friends you have, they know how lonely this journey can really be.
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